breakdowns and triumphs

I’ve turned into, what one of my friends from New York would call, “a hot mess.” The positive spin I’ve come up with? I’m comfortable and allowing myself to be taken care of, I have people to take care of me; and at this point, it doesn’t matter if they’re here or not – I’ll be taken care of regardless. The “hot mess” started when I lost my really, really nice shawl. It fell out of my bag while I was on my way to work. On my bike, someone called my attention from a car along side of me. I immediately turned my bike around, went slowly along the side of the road, yes in the wrong direction, but this is just the way it was going to be and is definitely nothing out of the normal. It was gone. It took less than a minute for someone to snatch it up. I’d like to think that someone who needs it a lot more than me has it. Later that week I realized that two earrings (of different pairs) are somehow not anywhere to be found. The upside for this mishap? Things come and go in 3s. My 3s are gone and now I’m ok.
In the beginning of last week I started to get a small cold, but ignored it. It progressed. I continued to ignore it. My after school program was delayed until next week. The upside? I was not feeling well on Thursday morning, so I didn’t have to start the program off with boogers and sneezes. This weekend it went full blast. We had a teacher’s meeting yesterday, which went well, but not being able to breathe was definitely a damper. I did the unthinkable – something I feel really stupid about and am not ready to admit to the whole world, but it involves making a big decision without double-checking and now I have to pay the consequences. This is nothing life threatening or hugely consequential, but just inconvenient, and stupid. Today I was supposed to go on the 10th standard retreat with work. I woke up early, had some tea, toast, and got to the bus stop to wait with some of the kids. We were delayed for about an hour due to traffic. When the bus got there, I felt overwhelmed, like I was going to regret going later in the day, so at a convenient location, I got off and went home. I felt bad but my headache midday made me realize I made the right decision.
Ok, so the upside that I’ve come up with goes as such. It’s taken me a little over two years to feel this messed up. I think that feelings like this derive from exhaustion, yes, however, your body needs to know that it can arrive at that point. Getting sick and falling apart means that your comfortable in doing so. I know it’s a silly upside, but it is one, and I’ll take it. I think I’m still always surprised at how genuine, how amazingly nice, selfless, and just nice human beings can still be. I’m happy I can say not only do I know some of these people but they’re some of my closest friends.
This post will end in my triumph. I went to see a movie the other day, an Aamir Khan movie. He’s awesome, one of my favourite Bollywood stars. His movies are always a little different and in general, really good. My friend was on strict instructions to make me get out of the house (all of my closest friends are traveling on the same trip that I took 2 weeks ago). The film, Talash, is the first Hindi movie (without subtitles) that I followed. I understood it almost completely. There were maybe 3 moments when I had to ask what was said. The Hindi wasn’t all that complicated, but I understood it. It is an amazing and fantastic feeling. I can understand Hindi! I still can’t speak it, but that’s ok. Understanding always comes first. I’m proud of myself. I haven’t studied in a really long time. Bhakti will begin Hindi lessons again this week – things have finally calmed down at work so we can start again. I’m ready and pumped now.

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